Swing Dancing - Learning lead!
Dec. 16th, 2023 12:06 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jajalalaI was very brave and went to swing dancing again! I meant to go last week, but I chickened out bc I couldn't persuade any of my friends to go with me... but I regretted not going, and I've been there alone before and still had a great time, so I gained courage this week and went.
The reason I chickened out at first I think is because I knew I wanted to learn lead (as per my previously established goal)... but I'm scared of trying to lead strangers! I knew I was going to be clumsy, and I wanted to be able to practice with someone I knew and who would still be happy to dance with me even if I was awkward. So the thought of going alone made me sad, because either (A) I fail at my previously stated goal and just do following again or (B) I do the scary thing of learning a new dance part that might inconvenience my partner due to my failings, and all my partners are strangers I don't want to inconvenience.
But I was so so brave this time and went even without friends! And in the end, it was good and fun and I learned to lead a bit and now I have more versatility! So yay doing scary things, there are great dividends!
Lead is so haaaard. And I could really feel it during the social dance when I was alternating follow and lead... whenever I would follow, I would truly feel in the flow and would be doing all sorts of creative and new and interesting moves without losing steps... and then I would go and ask someone to let me lead and I'd end up very awkwardly doing my best to keep the beat and then sometimes losing it and having to just swing back and forth for a bit to get my bearings, and I only knew how to like, move from closed to open position and do one type of spin... So it was boring and awkward for me to lead.
I'm trying to temper my expectations. The fact is, even if I'm no expert by any means, I've spent many more hours learning and dancing follow, so it's no wonder I feel smooth and vibe with it at this point. Plus the fact is, a good lead can make even a mediocre follow have a great dance! A lot of the leads I've been dancing with are very experienced (there's lots of old men who love to do their own thing and I've gotten to know enough of their dance styles to follow at this point), so I don't even have to pay attention to the flow because THEY set the flow and make it easy to follow along. Meanwhile I am NOT at that level as a lead, since I've done one hour-long beginner lesson on it and just done a handful of social dances in that position. I just find it hard not to compare my awkward lead to my smooth follow when I'm doing both at a function. (Hmm. Maybe I need to dance with some more beginner/awkward leads so I feel better about my own leading XD).
I'm struggling with building a steady and reliable flow. When I lose my pace, of course my partner loses pace, and so we both end up awkward. I'm very used to always looking to my partner when I lose myself as a follow, so my instinct is to look to do that even when I'm leading... but I'm supposed to be the one setting the flow! I lack confidence, I think, and I need to build that so I can be a stable and reliable person the follow can rely on when they're struggling themselves.
There was an awkward moment during the beginner's lesson... I want to preface by saying that this organization is very explicit that following/leading is not relegated to gender and everyone is welcome to dance however they like, and there were multiple women who were learning lead during this lesson including myself... but assumptions still happen on occasion.
The beginner's lesson involves a large circle, with follows on the outside and leads on the inside, and frequently the leads will rotate around the circle to the next follow. So I was rotating around, and at some point ended up at a "blank" spot. AKA we did not have the exact number of follows to match every lead (or a follow most likely left mid-lesson), so at one spot lead would just dance with the air. This is not a big deal, the rotations are frequent enough that you'd only be alone for a minute or two most likely.
But during the beginner's lesson there are often others that trickle into the room who are planning to join the social dance afterwards. And so on occasion, if there's a blank spot, one of those folks may hop in to help even out the numbers. So while I was dancing by myself, a guy hopped in and offered to dance with me. I thought I said "I'm leading, are you alright with that?" but maybe I didn't say it clearly or he misinterpreted or something...
Because as we tried to do the practice move (the lead guides the follow into a turn), things were kind of awkward, and the guy kept spinning in the wrong direction... I kind of thought "wait is he trying to lead?" but I was fairly firm in the hand/foot/position I was using and I didn't want to ask in case it was insulting his follow skills (he did warn "I'm not very experienced" when he joined in)...
But eventually the instructor saw our sad attempts to do the spin, and then he came by and started directing ME as to how to follow into the spin... and I had to declare like "I'm learning lead tonight!!" like, I had been in the inner lead circle all night, I was the one who had been rotating! And then the guy I was dancing with seemed a little taken aback, so I think he DID assume that I was learning follow... but also if he had watched/listened to the instructions going on, he should have known that people moving along were leads. So did he just not pay attention until he saw a gal dancing by herself and think "oh I better swoop in to save her from dancing alone" without having paid attention to what the lesson setup was?
To the instructor's credit, he immediately apologized for assuming, and then he walked the guy through how to follow that kind of spin, and things went a little more smoothly after that. But still, I felt a little miffed at the assumption... next time I have to declare much more clearly when someone swoops in.
There was also (during the social dance) a guy I danced with who when I was like "Oh I'm practicing lead but much better at follow"... was like "oh you can lead me, it'll be good for me to practice my follow too"... but then during the follow he was putting himself into moves and spins?? Like I was not leading that, he'd just kinda go off and lead himself into a spin if that makes sense? Maybe his intention was to help teach me new lead moves (he seemed pretty experienced) but I don't know... I just kind of felt like I wasn't really leading the dance, since I didn't know how to cue what he was doing for himself so it felt like he was leading even in the follow position. IDK hard to describe but I'm not sure how to feel about it. Again it might be that he's experienced and trying to teach me, or that as you get more experienced there's more leeway with the follows, but as a follower I'm very strictly listening to the lead and trying not to go outside of that, so I didn't really know what to think.
One thing that was nice leading was that I was able to set a very tame pace. Especially since I don't know any super fancy tricks or moves, it was often just doing basic position. So whenever I got exhausted from dancing with the energetic men, I could track down a girl who also just got off of an energetic dance and be like "Hey wanna dance? It's probably going to be very tame because I'm a beginner lead" and them being like "Oh yes I need something gentler".
I feel like last time I went I came home absolutely exhausted, because I kept spinning between a dozen folks with really intense and big styles... but this time I came home tired, but a much more manageable state, since I was better able to take breaks and set my own pace as needed.
I think it might be good to declare a particular future night "Leading only!" for myself to force more practice and compare less to my follow... maybe I'll wear pants (so far I always wear dresses bc they're fun to spin and breathable when sweaty) and tell everyone who asks me to dance follow that I'm ONLY dancing lead tonight for practice sake. Maybe after another few beginner lessons where I focus on lead. I'd like to get a little more fluent before I subject myself to a night of it, but I definitely need to practice more.
I hope to go again soon!... but we'll see how my schedule is like during the holidays.
The reason I chickened out at first I think is because I knew I wanted to learn lead (as per my previously established goal)... but I'm scared of trying to lead strangers! I knew I was going to be clumsy, and I wanted to be able to practice with someone I knew and who would still be happy to dance with me even if I was awkward. So the thought of going alone made me sad, because either (A) I fail at my previously stated goal and just do following again or (B) I do the scary thing of learning a new dance part that might inconvenience my partner due to my failings, and all my partners are strangers I don't want to inconvenience.
But I was so so brave this time and went even without friends! And in the end, it was good and fun and I learned to lead a bit and now I have more versatility! So yay doing scary things, there are great dividends!
Lead is so haaaard. And I could really feel it during the social dance when I was alternating follow and lead... whenever I would follow, I would truly feel in the flow and would be doing all sorts of creative and new and interesting moves without losing steps... and then I would go and ask someone to let me lead and I'd end up very awkwardly doing my best to keep the beat and then sometimes losing it and having to just swing back and forth for a bit to get my bearings, and I only knew how to like, move from closed to open position and do one type of spin... So it was boring and awkward for me to lead.
I'm trying to temper my expectations. The fact is, even if I'm no expert by any means, I've spent many more hours learning and dancing follow, so it's no wonder I feel smooth and vibe with it at this point. Plus the fact is, a good lead can make even a mediocre follow have a great dance! A lot of the leads I've been dancing with are very experienced (there's lots of old men who love to do their own thing and I've gotten to know enough of their dance styles to follow at this point), so I don't even have to pay attention to the flow because THEY set the flow and make it easy to follow along. Meanwhile I am NOT at that level as a lead, since I've done one hour-long beginner lesson on it and just done a handful of social dances in that position. I just find it hard not to compare my awkward lead to my smooth follow when I'm doing both at a function. (Hmm. Maybe I need to dance with some more beginner/awkward leads so I feel better about my own leading XD).
I'm struggling with building a steady and reliable flow. When I lose my pace, of course my partner loses pace, and so we both end up awkward. I'm very used to always looking to my partner when I lose myself as a follow, so my instinct is to look to do that even when I'm leading... but I'm supposed to be the one setting the flow! I lack confidence, I think, and I need to build that so I can be a stable and reliable person the follow can rely on when they're struggling themselves.
There was an awkward moment during the beginner's lesson... I want to preface by saying that this organization is very explicit that following/leading is not relegated to gender and everyone is welcome to dance however they like, and there were multiple women who were learning lead during this lesson including myself... but assumptions still happen on occasion.
The beginner's lesson involves a large circle, with follows on the outside and leads on the inside, and frequently the leads will rotate around the circle to the next follow. So I was rotating around, and at some point ended up at a "blank" spot. AKA we did not have the exact number of follows to match every lead (or a follow most likely left mid-lesson), so at one spot lead would just dance with the air. This is not a big deal, the rotations are frequent enough that you'd only be alone for a minute or two most likely.
But during the beginner's lesson there are often others that trickle into the room who are planning to join the social dance afterwards. And so on occasion, if there's a blank spot, one of those folks may hop in to help even out the numbers. So while I was dancing by myself, a guy hopped in and offered to dance with me. I thought I said "I'm leading, are you alright with that?" but maybe I didn't say it clearly or he misinterpreted or something...
Because as we tried to do the practice move (the lead guides the follow into a turn), things were kind of awkward, and the guy kept spinning in the wrong direction... I kind of thought "wait is he trying to lead?" but I was fairly firm in the hand/foot/position I was using and I didn't want to ask in case it was insulting his follow skills (he did warn "I'm not very experienced" when he joined in)...
But eventually the instructor saw our sad attempts to do the spin, and then he came by and started directing ME as to how to follow into the spin... and I had to declare like "I'm learning lead tonight!!" like, I had been in the inner lead circle all night, I was the one who had been rotating! And then the guy I was dancing with seemed a little taken aback, so I think he DID assume that I was learning follow... but also if he had watched/listened to the instructions going on, he should have known that people moving along were leads. So did he just not pay attention until he saw a gal dancing by herself and think "oh I better swoop in to save her from dancing alone" without having paid attention to what the lesson setup was?
To the instructor's credit, he immediately apologized for assuming, and then he walked the guy through how to follow that kind of spin, and things went a little more smoothly after that. But still, I felt a little miffed at the assumption... next time I have to declare much more clearly when someone swoops in.
There was also (during the social dance) a guy I danced with who when I was like "Oh I'm practicing lead but much better at follow"... was like "oh you can lead me, it'll be good for me to practice my follow too"... but then during the follow he was putting himself into moves and spins?? Like I was not leading that, he'd just kinda go off and lead himself into a spin if that makes sense? Maybe his intention was to help teach me new lead moves (he seemed pretty experienced) but I don't know... I just kind of felt like I wasn't really leading the dance, since I didn't know how to cue what he was doing for himself so it felt like he was leading even in the follow position. IDK hard to describe but I'm not sure how to feel about it. Again it might be that he's experienced and trying to teach me, or that as you get more experienced there's more leeway with the follows, but as a follower I'm very strictly listening to the lead and trying not to go outside of that, so I didn't really know what to think.
One thing that was nice leading was that I was able to set a very tame pace. Especially since I don't know any super fancy tricks or moves, it was often just doing basic position. So whenever I got exhausted from dancing with the energetic men, I could track down a girl who also just got off of an energetic dance and be like "Hey wanna dance? It's probably going to be very tame because I'm a beginner lead" and them being like "Oh yes I need something gentler".
I feel like last time I went I came home absolutely exhausted, because I kept spinning between a dozen folks with really intense and big styles... but this time I came home tired, but a much more manageable state, since I was better able to take breaks and set my own pace as needed.
I think it might be good to declare a particular future night "Leading only!" for myself to force more practice and compare less to my follow... maybe I'll wear pants (so far I always wear dresses bc they're fun to spin and breathable when sweaty) and tell everyone who asks me to dance follow that I'm ONLY dancing lead tonight for practice sake. Maybe after another few beginner lessons where I focus on lead. I'd like to get a little more fluent before I subject myself to a night of it, but I definitely need to practice more.
I hope to go again soon!... but we'll see how my schedule is like during the holidays.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-16 08:26 pm (UTC)You will notice men who like to Follow, even if they're wearing trousers (hey, I don't want to make assumptions) will often wear wider leg loose trousers, a more floaty shirt or tie a scarf around their waist or some such to get that same effect.
If you're worried about the sweaty factor, wear linen trousers or wear a lighter weight top with your trousers. It's best to opt for a more fitted leg though to be clear what role you're hoping to fill in the dance that night.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 08:41 pm (UTC)Thank you very much for the tips!!
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 02:02 am (UTC)That sounds super fun! Yay for learning a cool new skill.
I've been mildly curious about trying social dancing, so wanted to ask - do you need special shoes for it? I've heard that casual dress is usually fine, do you find that matches your experience?
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 08:46 pm (UTC)Most people are dressed casually, although some dress up a little more with nice dresses or blouses or slacks/button-downs. Usually everyone is at least a LITTLE nice... I don't see sweatpants usually. I've seen jeans though. There's not a strict dress code, but for this you want to bring a nice vibe into it and look like you care enough to not wear sweatpants.
It probably depends a bit on the venue and the vibe of the group though. This one I find the vibe pretty nice overall! A decently casual feeling.
no subject
Date: 2023-12-19 03:54 am (UTC)Thanks for sharing :)
no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 01:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-12-17 08:47 pm (UTC)(And yes the instructor was very nice and clearly felt bad about the assumption and quickly corrected, so all was well)