Swing dancing :D
Nov. 18th, 2023 10:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jajalalaA little bit ago, I set a goal that I wanted to go out and do more social things. And one thing that I've ALWAYS had a fun time at when I've gone is a regular swing dancing event in my area :D. I went a few times last year, but I want to get more back into it.
So I'm getting back in and wow it's fun! I was definitely tired and sweaty as hell afterwards, and I think my feet are still a little sore, but I had fun. It's a unique experience... I think normally when you meet a bunch of strangers, it's in a context where you would never be so rude as to touch each other, so you don't get to know people physically until way after a long friendship. Doing an activity where you're EXPECTED to touch each other and there are certain codified rules to doing so is kind of exciting and a huge relief--I struggle a lot with knowing how/when to touch with relationships in general, so it's nice to have it set explicitly. And even though I often dance with strangers, it's really fun to get to know someone physically first thing rather than making conversation! A nice change of pace. I can definitely understand why this was once the hip thing that teens and young adults were always out doing.
So far I've always "followed" in swing dancing (one partner Leads the dance and decides what sorts of moves you do, the other partner Follows and responds to that), partially due to my own proclivities (sorry to be crass but in life and in bed I'm definitely more on the submissive/bottom/etc side for sure, and of course that doesn't HAVE to align with ur dance role but for me it does!), but also as a matter of confidence and indecision. Leading is intimidating, but when you follow it's all up to the person you're dancing with to make all the decisions and guide you.
I've spent a lot of my life kind of mirroring people and paying attention to their cues to try to pick up what their mood is, so a following role comes very naturally to me. I love the challenge of figuring out what someone's vibe is and reflecting that back towards them, so following is just an extension of that.
It's also super fun to get to know different leads' styles. I tend to dance with a lot of old men at these events bc they are often the BEST leads--they've been dancing their way for 20 years and they know exactly how to push and create a flow. Sometimes they're not doing the swing I've been taught (these events usually have a beginner's lesson I go to at the beginning where they go over basic steps and one or two moves), but they have such stability and go so well with the beat that I'm able to pick up their pace pretty well. And they often have all sorts of exciting moves I don't know, but they can usually get me to do them with just some well-placed body and hand movements that naturally lead me to it.
There are definitely some less experienced folks though. Dancing with newbie leads is hard bc they often struggle to keep the beat/pace... sometimes I'll be in a struggle of like, trying to FOLLOW and agree with what they think the beat is, but it's NOT the beat, and then it's just awkward... I've had some success with helping first-time leads by counting/speaking the beat out loud with them, most of them know they're new and welcome a little help, but ultimately as a follow I don't want to impose too much.
Although I usually love someone setting the pace for me, it is also hard sometimes to not be setting my own pace. Especially the first time I went and had only done a 1 hour beginner's lesson, some of the leads were throwing in big moves I had never seen and doing all sorts of wild things I wasn't ready for. After several dances I'm now familiar with a lot of those moves (even if I haven't been able to officially "practice/learn" them) and am better equipped to handle surprises and go with the flow, but it's a little hard to be at the mercy of the leads knowledge-base rather than my own! Additionally, some leads are more energetic than others... if I get two or three people in a row that all want to constantly do moves and a dozen spins and constant energy, I get exhausted quite quickly. Right now, that's when I take a water break for one song, or I track down the oldest man there with the softest shuffle and hopefully get a very tame and gentle dance... but it'd be nice to be able to set the intensity I'd like!
So I would like to try leading! With leading, I can choose to simply do the basic step, maybe move from open to closed position a few times, a few gentle spins, and not do anything to complicated the whole time if I'd like. And I can hopefully set the intensity to whatever I'm feeling in the moment.
Plus I think it'd be fun to dance with girls. Right now as a follow I dance with a lot of guys; the venue is very open to any gender doing any part, but socially it's much easier and more guaranteed that when I approach a guy he will lead me. Sometimes if I see a girl learning lead during the beginners lesson I purposefully track her down later and ask her to lead me... but a lot of times those gals are newbies and so the dance is a little awkward and halting. Which is still a nice change of pace from grappling with old men! But also I usually only get to dance with like, one woman per night bc there's so few of them that I'm able to identify as able/willing to lead.
If I were able to LEAD, on the other hand, I could talk to ANY girl and just ask her to follow, since socially a lot more women follow (and tbh following is easier to pick up than lead). Sometimes I see cute girls who look like girls I'd like to meet and get to know, but since they're playing the follow part I have no excuse to dance with them.
Playing the lead is intimidating though! Like I said, in life I'm indecisive and like others to lead me, so leading doesn't feel natural. Also, I've now got a decent grasp on follow and feel confident in it, so going to lead feels like I have to start from square one again. And I've been a follow with a beginner-lead--I know it kind of sucks! And I don't want to make anyone suffer through my baby steps... but if I want to get better enough to confidently ask women to dance with me, I need to suffer through those first steps and take on a challenge!
I went swingdancing for the first time in a year with my sister a few weeks ago and had a great time, but my sister said that day of the week was pretty hard to do with her work schedule, so I should find someone else to go with on a more regular basis. So I've been occasionally asking/pushing others to come with me, but somehow things just have not been aligning. This happened last year too, where I tried to get others to come with me several times, but the only person who actually went to me was some guy I dated last summer.
He was super fun to dance with and all, and I'm glad he introduced me to the space, but we're exes now who don't talk (pretty amicable split, we both knew it wasn't serious from the start, but again it's not like we talk since we decided that we weren't going anywhere). And the trouble is... he is a regular at these swingdancing events! I actually saw him the other week when I went with my sister! We waved at and acknowledged each other, but did not chat or dance.
So I felt like I HAD to have someone come with me to these dances in case he was there. Which is maybe a little silly! Again it's not like we were a huge relationship, but I DO worry a bit like "Ooh if I show up alone he'll think I'm lame and friendless and think 'Damn glad I dodged that bullet'!" Again, I know it's silly, but that's something I got in my head and made me cling to the idea that "I don't want to go to these dances alone."
But the other week I made a social goal to go more places by myself or with different people other than my roommate. So since my roomie wasn't able to make this dance, I sent out several asks to some folks in the area to ask them to come with me... and all of them said they couldn't (to be fair I asked pretty last minute). So I faced either a Friday night alone where I could wallow in my self-pity that none of my friends would drop everything and go out of their way to dance with me.... or putting on my big-girl boots and going out to an event where I KNOW I HAVE HAD FUN BEFORE, in a place/structure I know, an event where I see lots of people go alone and know it's welcoming to them, but where I might have to endure the slight embarrassment of looking friendless in front of an ex.
So I was brave and went for it! And the kicker: my ex wasn't even there that night! So I had fussed and worried all for NOTHING! And now that I've gone alone once, I feel much more confident at the prospect of going alone again. No longer will I be stopped by my roommate being tired or my other friends being unable to go! I am at them mercy of no one but myself!
To be honest I was intending to try learning lead last night, but I still felt nervous from being alone and at the beginning I misunderstood something and thought we were going to learn a different dance than I had learned before so I decided to stick to follow which I felt stable and confident in... but my new vow is that next time I go (whether alone or with someone) I'm going to join the leads lesson!
So I'm getting back in and wow it's fun! I was definitely tired and sweaty as hell afterwards, and I think my feet are still a little sore, but I had fun. It's a unique experience... I think normally when you meet a bunch of strangers, it's in a context where you would never be so rude as to touch each other, so you don't get to know people physically until way after a long friendship. Doing an activity where you're EXPECTED to touch each other and there are certain codified rules to doing so is kind of exciting and a huge relief--I struggle a lot with knowing how/when to touch with relationships in general, so it's nice to have it set explicitly. And even though I often dance with strangers, it's really fun to get to know someone physically first thing rather than making conversation! A nice change of pace. I can definitely understand why this was once the hip thing that teens and young adults were always out doing.
So far I've always "followed" in swing dancing (one partner Leads the dance and decides what sorts of moves you do, the other partner Follows and responds to that), partially due to my own proclivities (sorry to be crass but in life and in bed I'm definitely more on the submissive/bottom/etc side for sure, and of course that doesn't HAVE to align with ur dance role but for me it does!), but also as a matter of confidence and indecision. Leading is intimidating, but when you follow it's all up to the person you're dancing with to make all the decisions and guide you.
I've spent a lot of my life kind of mirroring people and paying attention to their cues to try to pick up what their mood is, so a following role comes very naturally to me. I love the challenge of figuring out what someone's vibe is and reflecting that back towards them, so following is just an extension of that.
It's also super fun to get to know different leads' styles. I tend to dance with a lot of old men at these events bc they are often the BEST leads--they've been dancing their way for 20 years and they know exactly how to push and create a flow. Sometimes they're not doing the swing I've been taught (these events usually have a beginner's lesson I go to at the beginning where they go over basic steps and one or two moves), but they have such stability and go so well with the beat that I'm able to pick up their pace pretty well. And they often have all sorts of exciting moves I don't know, but they can usually get me to do them with just some well-placed body and hand movements that naturally lead me to it.
There are definitely some less experienced folks though. Dancing with newbie leads is hard bc they often struggle to keep the beat/pace... sometimes I'll be in a struggle of like, trying to FOLLOW and agree with what they think the beat is, but it's NOT the beat, and then it's just awkward... I've had some success with helping first-time leads by counting/speaking the beat out loud with them, most of them know they're new and welcome a little help, but ultimately as a follow I don't want to impose too much.
Although I usually love someone setting the pace for me, it is also hard sometimes to not be setting my own pace. Especially the first time I went and had only done a 1 hour beginner's lesson, some of the leads were throwing in big moves I had never seen and doing all sorts of wild things I wasn't ready for. After several dances I'm now familiar with a lot of those moves (even if I haven't been able to officially "practice/learn" them) and am better equipped to handle surprises and go with the flow, but it's a little hard to be at the mercy of the leads knowledge-base rather than my own! Additionally, some leads are more energetic than others... if I get two or three people in a row that all want to constantly do moves and a dozen spins and constant energy, I get exhausted quite quickly. Right now, that's when I take a water break for one song, or I track down the oldest man there with the softest shuffle and hopefully get a very tame and gentle dance... but it'd be nice to be able to set the intensity I'd like!
So I would like to try leading! With leading, I can choose to simply do the basic step, maybe move from open to closed position a few times, a few gentle spins, and not do anything to complicated the whole time if I'd like. And I can hopefully set the intensity to whatever I'm feeling in the moment.
Plus I think it'd be fun to dance with girls. Right now as a follow I dance with a lot of guys; the venue is very open to any gender doing any part, but socially it's much easier and more guaranteed that when I approach a guy he will lead me. Sometimes if I see a girl learning lead during the beginners lesson I purposefully track her down later and ask her to lead me... but a lot of times those gals are newbies and so the dance is a little awkward and halting. Which is still a nice change of pace from grappling with old men! But also I usually only get to dance with like, one woman per night bc there's so few of them that I'm able to identify as able/willing to lead.
If I were able to LEAD, on the other hand, I could talk to ANY girl and just ask her to follow, since socially a lot more women follow (and tbh following is easier to pick up than lead). Sometimes I see cute girls who look like girls I'd like to meet and get to know, but since they're playing the follow part I have no excuse to dance with them.
Playing the lead is intimidating though! Like I said, in life I'm indecisive and like others to lead me, so leading doesn't feel natural. Also, I've now got a decent grasp on follow and feel confident in it, so going to lead feels like I have to start from square one again. And I've been a follow with a beginner-lead--I know it kind of sucks! And I don't want to make anyone suffer through my baby steps... but if I want to get better enough to confidently ask women to dance with me, I need to suffer through those first steps and take on a challenge!
I went swingdancing for the first time in a year with my sister a few weeks ago and had a great time, but my sister said that day of the week was pretty hard to do with her work schedule, so I should find someone else to go with on a more regular basis. So I've been occasionally asking/pushing others to come with me, but somehow things just have not been aligning. This happened last year too, where I tried to get others to come with me several times, but the only person who actually went to me was some guy I dated last summer.
He was super fun to dance with and all, and I'm glad he introduced me to the space, but we're exes now who don't talk (pretty amicable split, we both knew it wasn't serious from the start, but again it's not like we talk since we decided that we weren't going anywhere). And the trouble is... he is a regular at these swingdancing events! I actually saw him the other week when I went with my sister! We waved at and acknowledged each other, but did not chat or dance.
So I felt like I HAD to have someone come with me to these dances in case he was there. Which is maybe a little silly! Again it's not like we were a huge relationship, but I DO worry a bit like "Ooh if I show up alone he'll think I'm lame and friendless and think 'Damn glad I dodged that bullet'!" Again, I know it's silly, but that's something I got in my head and made me cling to the idea that "I don't want to go to these dances alone."
But the other week I made a social goal to go more places by myself or with different people other than my roommate. So since my roomie wasn't able to make this dance, I sent out several asks to some folks in the area to ask them to come with me... and all of them said they couldn't (to be fair I asked pretty last minute). So I faced either a Friday night alone where I could wallow in my self-pity that none of my friends would drop everything and go out of their way to dance with me.... or putting on my big-girl boots and going out to an event where I KNOW I HAVE HAD FUN BEFORE, in a place/structure I know, an event where I see lots of people go alone and know it's welcoming to them, but where I might have to endure the slight embarrassment of looking friendless in front of an ex.
So I was brave and went for it! And the kicker: my ex wasn't even there that night! So I had fussed and worried all for NOTHING! And now that I've gone alone once, I feel much more confident at the prospect of going alone again. No longer will I be stopped by my roommate being tired or my other friends being unable to go! I am at them mercy of no one but myself!
To be honest I was intending to try learning lead last night, but I still felt nervous from being alone and at the beginning I misunderstood something and thought we were going to learn a different dance than I had learned before so I decided to stick to follow which I felt stable and confident in... but my new vow is that next time I go (whether alone or with someone) I'm going to join the leads lesson!
no subject
Date: 2023-11-18 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-11-20 12:57 pm (UTC)(Now that I think about it, it's kind of similar to how when I'm dedicating myself to finishing a fic I'll declare a particular update schedule.... having external accountability of any kind helps!)
no subject
Date: 2023-11-18 05:24 pm (UTC)Go for it! Take the class and give it a go. You may discover that in dance at least *g* you like to lead. If you find out you don't, you can go back to following but with a better understanding of what the lead is trying to accomplish.
There are always a bunch of people who turn up solo to these type of events because a lot of people feel like if they haven't been taken dancing classes since they were children it'll all be unbearably awkward. One of the many ways in which being an adult sucks!
no subject
Date: 2023-11-20 01:07 pm (UTC)I'm surprised by how many people hesitate to come with me even when I tell them there's a beginner's lesson! I used to be hugely into musical theater as a teen and did a bunch of shows, so even though I don't dance regularly nowadays if I hear that an event will have an introductory/class I'm like "Oh yeah I can do it then!"... but there are some people that fully do not believe they'll be able to keep up with any dance steps :'(. And to be fair, occasionally I end up dancing with someone who's like "Yeah I've never ever danced before, this is my first time ever and I'm scared" and u can kind of tell when they can't find the beat at all... but everyone starts somewhere! It just makes me realize I DO have a little foundation that not everyone has which helps.
Thank you for the encouragement :D!
no subject
Date: 2023-11-19 10:24 am (UTC)Hope you manage to lead someday! I'm sure people won't mind if you struggle a little bit, and anyway, it's the only way to learn. You've got this!!
no subject
Date: 2023-11-20 01:11 pm (UTC)