Can songs be too intimate?

[jajalala]

I was out at a large sort of fair/festival event the other day that had, among other things, some live music performances going on. I'm not a huge live music person, I've been a tech at a music hall and watched a fair number of classical music performances, but I've only ever been to one like, music artist concert proper (like the kind people buy tickets and dance and sing along for). But I ended up sticking around to listen to a particular artist because she had a cool name and I wanted to try something new.

But goodness, listening to a musician live feels a bit too intimate, or perhaps too sincere?? Her second song was very clearly a love song, and afterwards when transitioning to another song she shared that she hadn't sung that in awhile because it's "hard to sing", which I assumed meant it was hard to sing on a technical level.... and then she immediately followed it up with an a very clear breakup song and I was like "Oooooh there might be another reason it was hard to sing"

Maybe it's my own allergy to intimacy, but I had to walk away (the setup of the thing was outdoors and very casual so that wasn't strange don't worry). I'm a bitch-ass who gets easily affected by any sort of media's intended emotion, so I kind of felt like I might cry if I stuck around. The artist was also quite young, 20 years old, so although she was certainly talented, I think there's a certain unabashed sincerity that comes with youth (like very straightforward emotions).

Perhaps I'm not describing it the best, but artists who spill everything they are out for people to see scare me I guess. I prefer a few layers of buffering, like the safety of emotional distance. I tend to love songs with weird premises or wild lyrics or that paint an imagined story/character more than like... an artist's love/break-up song clearly drawn from their real life. I feel like a voyeur when someone creates something that is so easy to read and clearly from their own life... I think the music being live didn't help, I might have felt differently if I just heard her music on a radio or something.

Despite me feeling uncomfortable, the music was quite good, her name is Zola Simone if you want to look her up and take a listen. It turns out the breakup song I heard might not actually be released yet (at least I couldn't find it), but the love song was "What It Feels Like".

Comments

[corvidology]

For me, I think it depends on how relatable I find the song, like if it could fit seamlessly into a soundtrack for my life which is an odd way to put it but it does explain the feeling.

Otherwise, I can just enjoy it no matter how intimate and revealing a piece of work it might be.

[jajalala]

That makes sense, the thought of a "soundtrack for life" is an intriguing thought, I feel like making a playlist attempting to encompass one's life could be a really fun creative exercise!

[adore]

I can understand how when art is raw and it doesn't have that artistic distance, there's discomfort in experiencing it.

[jajalala]

Yeah, "raw" is a good word for it!! Very revealing/compelling but uncomfortable too

[jemeryl]

Really interesting thoughts. Mostly I like a sweet spot where the music's vibe is intimate, the lyrics are only hinting at what happened or have nothing to do with it whatsoever, but somehow you get what's being said. For me that buffer lets me appreciate it more, even. It's very skilfull to be able to do that, too.

Otoh some of the performances I've seen that are 'out there for everyone to see' have been the most powerful. One of the first spoken word poems I heard was all about her coming to terms with being bi, in a very specific way. There was something about it that made me cry; the something being the emotional energy she was pouring into it. Very small venue, the kind where we're cross legged and overlapping to fit into the front, so very intimate. I don't remember the words, I remember the emotional energy, and that has stuck with me for years.

Do you think this allergy to intimacy is just how you experience music and life in general, or if you were able to stay in it for awhile, what would be on the other side?

[jajalala]

Subtlety is really nice, especially because then you can fill in details in the way you most like rather than being stuck with the exacts of the songwriter.

Oh my goodness that sounds like a very intimate setting, I can see why you'd cry!

Ahaha omfg I think I have a strong preference for privacy and avoid emotional vulnerability in general, so it's not unique to listening to music. For this particular case I think part of what was so uncomfortable was that it was a whole large crowd around, most very casual, and I kind of wanted to cry but very much Did Not Want To Cry in that sort of daytime outdoor festival setting surrounded by a bunch of random people who were mostly passing by as they looked for a corndog truck, so I had to walk away to avoid the embarrassment of crying in public. Perhaps in a different setting like that poetry venue described I may have stayed put and let myself be carried away with the emotions.

[jemeryl]

I agree with you on that subtlety and being able to fill in the details in the way you most like. Having it spelled out for you just isn't as satisfying imo

Oof yeah that setting does sound super uncomfortable when you're inclined to avoid emotional vulnerability - whereas in a spoken word or other performance setting, everyone is usually facing the performer, it's more intimate bar lighting or only stage lights, *and* you're expected to have some sort of response/be snapping your fingers and such. I can totally understand why you would Need To Get Away in that situation!

[tropicsbear]

I think the closest I've ever been to experiencing something like this was when I first heard "7 Years". I teared up near the end of the song when the main character starts singing about being 60 years old and hoping that his kids come and visit him.

There was just something so poignant about that, and I think it also triggered my existential crisis 😆 I liked the song, but it took a few plays before I could listen to it without wanting to cry.

[jajalala]

Aaaaah nooo "7 years" gets me too 😭😭😭 it's a tearjerker alright, I think I started choking up the first time I heard it too