Big fams get big drama, I guess

[jajalala]

My roommate's cousin came by to visit us the other day, and it was fascinating to listen to the two of them hash out certain family dramas. My roommate's father had a bunch of siblings, and so there's a great deal of aunts, uncles, and cousins. Plus all their spouses, and then the spouse's families... They're a little spread out, but there are occasional family events where large numbers of them turn out (like weddings and funerals), and various different "sects" that are near each other or emotionally close stay in good contact.

It feels very wild to me bc my roommate has a relatively small contained immediate family (two parents and three kids) but this expansive and elaborate network of extended relatives who all have differing dynamics and beef with each other. Meanwhile I have a relatively large immediate family (having six siblings) but my relatively few extended family members are living across the ocean in a different country, where I see them maybe once or twice a decade, so there's pretty rarely any sort of communication/drama/news.

It made me wonder if one day my siblings and I will ever create such an expansive network of independent family units that all coalesce into these big family gatherings. So far none of my siblings are married or have any children, so we're pretty far from our respective children growing into adults and then going to visit each other to gossip about the rest of the family.

IDK watching my roommate and her cousin relate to each other in such a unique way made me sort of yearn for that kind of rich extended family life... but then again, it seemed like it also came with some very heavy and dramatic stuff as well. And to get there I'd have to have kids.... one day, but I'm not ready quite yet XD.

Comments

[corvidology]

I'm fascinated by family dynamics.

My own family is, well pretty much a disaster of one kind or another on both sides so tiny and fractured.

Meanwhile, MG is from that sort of large extensive Southern family where they all know their sixth and seventh cousins and family reunions involve name tags.

By now though, I've seen enough different variations to stick with the adage that the only normal people you know you just don't know well enough yet. :D

[vriddy]

That's a very good adage :D

[jajalala]

Omg nametags! I kind of love that, as someone who sucks at names I would def appreciate it if my family expands!

And very true, no such thing as a normal person nor a normal family.

[corvidology]

It's The South (TM) so the married ladies (rolls eyes) usually have name tags that read first name-unmarried name-married name because there's also a deeply entrenched custom here that married ladies (continues to roll eyes) take their husbands last name legally and in the process replace their given middle name with their unmarried surname - they do NOT hyphenate. I'm not going to use her RL names but for instance, my SIL went from Mary Ann Smith on marrying to Mary Smith Baker.

I didn't take MG's last name and my last name is rare so my name tag initially caused a lot of confusion. :D The confusion didn't last as at the last one we attended pre-Covid there were almost 300 people there and only two of us weren't American as part of the maybe 20 'married ins' (*g*) who weren't Southern by origin. In other words, with time, they've come to identify us anyway because our name tags are different. :D

[vriddy]

Haha, I feel like we often half-heartedly wish for what we can't/don't have 😂 I have a large number of cousins but we're not close and I don't know them well. I do hear about the drama sometimes and it mostly makes me sad since I mostly remember these people as kids and teenagers -- the last time I met most of them!

[jajalala]

Very true, maybe my roommate wishes for something smaller or less full of drama...

And omg kids grow up so fast, it's crazy. My youngest sibling ended up in the country where our extended family lives, and I asked them to ask our cousin if he still likes electro and dubstep, bc that's the only thing I remembered of him when we met like, a decade ago.

Apparently he was like "Uhh no I grew out of that a long time ago"

[jemeryl]

I'm always fascinated by family dynamics like this. Six siblings? I can't even imagine (the Fuyumi identification you've mentioned before makes a lot of sense XD). The resulting potential future network of independent coalescing family units would sure be something to behold though! I can imagine it must be so nice to have that extended family, but in a wholesome non-toxic way ... I think about that sometimes too.

The drama of the large family... the last I heard from the Indian side of the family was that one of the cousins had moved to Australia and married a Ceylonese girl when he should've been a good boy and married a Malayali girl. In other words, he had the audacity to marry the *wrong kind* of South Indian. It's so ridiculous I can't help but laugh about it and be glad that I'm so far removed I can watch from a distance and relay this stuff as silly anecdotes... I wish you only good things and low-stakes drama if you ever do end up with that rich extended family!

[jajalala]

😭😭😭 Yeah I won't go into too many details about it but as the exact middle child in a family where multiple people had some anger issues to work through and other things going on....... I do in fact relate to Fuyumi's desire for a peaceful household regardless of whose fault it is things are messed up 😅 (Don't worry things are a lot better now, various members went to therapy and/or structures changed so things weren't as tense, and now we can hang as adults for the most part)

Omg that's some highly specific gossiping/meddling in the family!! God forbid someone doesn't marry exactly in the parameters their family members want, gotta be all up in their personal business XD. That makes me glad you're able to watch from a safe distance instead of being in the thick of it... that seems like a family that would be frustrating to be trapped in.

[jemeryl]

Oof I'm sorry you had to go through that! I'm sure it must have been rough but I'm glad things are better now ^^

And yeah, tell me about it XD between being mixed race and aggressively trans and queer I'm glad to be well away from all of that... estrangement is going great actually, lol

[tropicsbear]

My mom's side of the family is huge. Reunions are wild; you get to hear so much gossip about people you don't know but are related to.

[jajalala]

That's literally my dream, I wanna hear gossip about people I don't really know (and therefore don't have to actually deal with the fallout of the drama) but am related to..... one day