Events Burn Out and my Ideal Writing Style

[jajalala]

Aaa I got too excited about fandom events and I think have burned myself out for awhile.


I think I started doing fandom events around this time last year when I discovered a BNHA femslash prompt week and a BNHA "rarepair" bang that I thought might have some F/F ships to enjoy. What originally drew me to them was, I think, a deep craving for BNHA femslash that I was struggling to find anywhere else (esp with AO3 tagging issues in the fandom). And then I also discovered some active community on there, I think there's several people I now would consider 'fandom-friends' that I met through doing that event.

And so with such a nice, fun beginning I kept jumping into each event with any promise/hint of F/F potential. And jumping, and jumping...



Somehow multiple BNHA femslash events have ended up occurring in September. But I had a few other events I was participating in even before then, so I didn't feel like I could work very far ahead until I addressed those previous things, and then... I ended up just kind of pushing myself into cramming a lot of stuff, instead of a more spread-out/thoughtful setup as I had been able to do in the past.

Right now I still need to finish some fic and art for the BNHA WLW Bang starting next week, but even before that I need to finish up my currently-late last day of fic/art for the Valkyries prompt week.


Ultimately these deadlines are meant for fun and fandom and not to stress ppl out... but I still like hitting my deadlines!! And right now bc I'm kind of crowded, I feel like I don't have enough time to look at other people's creations and enjoy them, even though that's like the biggest benefit of these events (like holy shit there's so much actual F/F for BNHA that's available for me to read now!........ if I only had time to read it!!!)


I'm finding as I've been doing events that part of the issue is that, fic-wise? I'm someone who loves long-winded regularly updating multichapters (if u can't already tell from these incredibly long DW posts full of section-dividing cuts). But for most events, it's almost always oneshot-oriented. Which is fine! But it's also very rare that I ever have a concept that's suited for just one chapter, outside of maybe porn.

When I saw applications for a BNHA WLW zine awhile back, I didn't even do the writer application bc I felt like I'm just not suited for short-term writing, especially SFW. Their application asked for like, complete fic samples under a certain wordcount and I looked at my stuff and was like "😳 none of my SFW oneshots are under that." So to apply I would have had to like, make up and publish something that fit the criteria, and then if I got in (which is a big if, who knows) I would have had to add that to my already crowded plate of September events... This was also back during a bad wrist phase, which certainly didn't help things.

I love the idea of zines, and I'm high-key waiting to grab a copy of that zine when it comes out, and I would have loved to potentially join in on a community of femslash creators... but I do feel wholly unsuited towards like, nice short oneshots that go into them. I don't feel like I have a distinct writing style or efficient prose; there's at least one TogaChako writer I've read who writes things that are like, barely 1k words or so and yet have such strong imagery that even though it's short it sets a super compelling snapshot. And then I look at my own stuff, and I do love and enjoy my own writing, but it's all based on this long-form build up plottiness that takes chapters upon chapters to grow and develop, it's not being carried by a strong distinct writing style that can just grab a reader and give them something in a single oneshot.

So zines like, codify and make explicit that there is a limit to the number of words they can accommodate, so I've been most aware of my unsuitability for zines, but ultimately most other events also implicitly are best suited for short-term works. Exchanges and bangs are one-and-done things, not multichapters (I think some bangs are meant to be long, but the BNHA ones I've been doing usually have pretty low minimum wordcounts). Even prompt weeks, I've tried to finangle by making 7-chapter works with a chapter-a-day model so I can just focus on developing one story for multiple days, which somewhat works, but is also restrictive in its own way.


Overall I think I gravitated towards events bc I was craving a community. I think it's been fun, but now that I've done them I've found a community (for example here on DW) and now I can/should slow down and go back to my specialty independent of events where I'm most comfortable and happy.


I'm definitely taking a BREAK from events, but I did technically commit to a Miraculous Ladybug Big Bang. At the very least I'm only doing art for that one, so I feel that it's still manageable. I think there's also a Fuyumi-centric F/F and a FuyuRumi prompt week in December, so I'm going to keep an eye on that and maybe focus on trying to make some art, but won't stress myself out with fic unless I'm truly vibing.


I forced myself to start posting a non-event-related multichapter that I've been excited about for awhile, but haven't been able to wholeheartedly start posting bc I kept worrying about all these other deadlines I need to keep track of. I've started posting with a vague "maybe weekly" schedule to keep the pressure low, and I have a buffer, so I'm hoping that as these events wrap up I can return to my favorite niche and focus on that going forward.

Comments

[corvidology]

Fandom used to be full of Big Bang events, in most cases even matching up writers and artists, which were designed to do exactly that, produce multi-chapter stories. Mini-bangs might be 10,000+ words and Big Bangs were often 50,000+ words.

I don't know whether they started to die out because they won't work on places like Tumblr or what.

[jajalala]

Tbh I suspect it's a specific fandom effect, My Hero Academia is a HUGE and active fandom, and I think the twitter-sphere of the fandom has gotten really into bangs, like everyone and their cousin is running their own hyper-specific bang... but bc there's so many, they shorten the requirements so that they can do all these different events, and so u often get like 2k or 3k minimum words requirements. And they're like "You can write longer than that" but ppl rarely go over 10k. Kind of strange... one time I was in a bang where someone starting going off to a mod about how there was a schedule change (mind you, a schedule change set BEFORE the bang actually started?? Like there had been one schedule discussed, but then the final designations when they opened up bang apps changed) that meant they only had like, 4 months to write their fic instead of 5 months... and they got all pissed like "there's no way I can write 2k words in that time"???? Like I understand ppl have different scheduling commitments and writing styles, but also.... if it's that much of a problem I feel like one should consult the up-to-date schedule when planning or not participate in timed events with deadlines. So that's the kind of participant that's often engaging with these MHA Bangs, where they are very eager but perhaps over-committed to other events at the same time (AKA me as well, as I said in my above post I def got excited and over-committed to the point of burnout).

Meanwhile the Miraculous Ladybug Bang I'm doing has a three-tier system where ppl can choose to write a 10k+, 25k+, or 50k+ fic, so those longer Big Bangs certainly exist, even in a young(ish) fandom like Miraculous Ladybug.

So I think it might be a matter of My Hero Academia being full of people who want to start events (I'm guilty of this as well XD) and sort of doing their own thing, which in some cases means making it as low-commitment as possible to increase people's interest/ability to participate. I've not been deeply involved in a lot of other fandoms, but I think it might be particular to MHA (there's also a HUGE number of zines of varying quality/organization-level which could be a whole other post on drama.... tho idk how specific that is to MHA).

[corvidology]

Yeah, I wouldn't consider anything that length a Bang... as the rent boy said to the copper.

I don't think a lot of fans are ready to deal with the slow payoff anymore hence "Bangs" shrinking so badly.

[vriddy]

I've seen a lot of pushback on longer minimums on Twitter as well... For MHA, a big bang set a 10k words minimum last year and the mods got piled on for elitism, not being inclusive of people who couldn't possibly write that kind of length, and thus being ableist. As if every event had to be for everyone... Especially in MHA, it's not like there aren't any other!! (And even then, people are free to get together and start their own that suits their needs and preferences better...) Longer lengths are definitely a challenge for me (I've never written anything over 30k words) and maybe it'd be cool to find a supportive community trying to do that for a fandom/theme that suits me, someday. If it's well modded. Haha :D

[corvidology]

I'd say the most common length requirement for fic in exchanges is 1,000+ words and always has been, even when true Big Bangs were (relatively) common.

I don't think 'fandom' (like it's a multi-headed hydra. Hmmmm...) used to assume it was 'all in' or 'all out' more horses for courses if you will.

I think they used to a be a lot of fun for people who were accustomed to writing long stories and for people gearing up to give it a go because of the camaraderie. As a lot of people have said elsewhere recently and more eloquently I'm sure, posting multi-chapter fic has become quite a lonely experience with maybe a few comments per chapter and some of them being 'WRITE MOAR!' The thing about the Big Bangs that made them fun is that they were attached to a com and there would be (semi-) regular postings with opportunities to wail at the moon, offered little interactive games, etc. that made you feel like you weren't alone in writing your Big Bang fic and then there was the artist hookup of course that sometimes even offered vid trailers for your story. There are still some of these in fact and they still seem to work well.

[vriddy]

Yeah, that one was 10,000 words and it surprised a lot of people I think. The atmosphere of camaraderie you describe sounds amazing! :D I hope we see more of them longer-form events come back, once people realise again some variety doesn't hurt.

[jajalala]

Ooh that's some interesting perspective! Again, I only got into fandom events in the past year and primarily in My Hero Academia, so my first impression of Big Bangs was "A multi-month commitment where someone writes 2-3k+ words and gets paired with an artist". Plus the first one I participated in was very large, like over 100 people I think?? So it was hard to get to know individuals. And the couple I joined after that were set up very similarly with those low minimum wordcounts and (sorry to be rude but) a decent number of flakey individuals who would drop or say that the wordcount or other things are too much (ahaha Vriddy reading ur anecdote about the ppl being pissed about the 10k minimum... lol if it's too much then don't participate or start ur own??? There are a bajillion lower-commitment bangs in the MHA community).

So it's wild to hear that Big Bangs are typically (or historically) very different. I think that first Bang I did had a sense of camraderie at least in that the discord it was in was fairly lively with discussion. Bangs I've done since then... the discords are sometimes lively in the first week or two, but quickly drop off and the only channels that people use are the #self-promo and #event-promo to post links to their own work and other events. It does feel weirdly isolating to be in a large group that theoretically all have interest in one thing and are doing an event together, but that don't even really talk to each other... Perhaps I should've tried starting more conversations myself XD. My guess is that bc everyone's committing to so many things there's a lot of burnout on all sides, and ppl aren't very enthusiastic or dedicated to just one event. It might be nice when I'm into events again to see if I can find one of those longer bangs with a stronger sense of community... but not until at least next year I think!

I might make another post in a while to bitch/muse about the bang/event cultures I've experienced ... there's been some very good ones, but there's also been a couple hmm ones, and I hate to say it but I think a core factor might be the twitter-ification of the particular fandom

[corvidology]

I think the 'com based' thing was the thing that brought everyone together - again asynchronous conversation possibilities. Often there would be a separate com for the Big Bang itself but it was publicised/referenced on the fandom's regular com/s.

I also meant to mention they were also publicised in the fandom's weekly. Yes, there used to be coms where you subscribed and got a weekly (sometimes 3 a week if it was a very big fandom) digest with links to everything publicly posted related to that fandom.

[vriddy]

I had fun reading the Fanlore page about Big Bangs and the history recently! :D (and MEGA BANGS with 100k minimums :D 🤯🤯)

With my two meagre little big bangs, I share your experience of the servers being active for the first couple of weeks and then going extremely quiet during the creation period.

I think a core factor might be the twitter-ification of the particular fandom

I'll be very curious to read your post about this, should you decide to write it!

[vriddy]

Last time I mentioned wanting to hold back on exchanges a bit, someone mentioned to me that the cycle seemed to go like "sign up for everything" -> burn out -> "sign up for only a few" -> that's quite ok! -> "sign up for everything" ... 😂 It's tough!! There are so many cool concepts for exchanges out there!!

I see how it would be extra tough for you when the word counts of these events doesn't line up well with the kind of stories that come out more naturally to you.

My other issue is that I often forget that for many exchanges, the assignment is only part of the fun -- treating and also reading/commenting on a lot of the collection is also super fun, which is great but also a larger commitment.

Good luck with your independent projects!! :D

[jajalala]

Ahahahha I hope I don't end up trapped in that cycle XD.

And yes, I need to learn how to just "follow" the twitters of the events I'd be interested in reading and not participating, so I have time/energy to actually read/see the results.

Thank you, doing my best!

[jemeryl]

I totally feel you on that one, September has been slammed and I also won't have the time to really dig into anything until I've cleared everything. Totally understandable to get burned out when there's been so much going on, I mean, you've been contributing while *running* one of these and iirc you were modding on the nagant bang too, that's a lot!

About short form work and suitability: As to 'if' you got into a zine, I genuinely can't imagine you not getting accepted - if that's something you ever wanted to do! I think you tell wonderful stories regardless of length or medium, which is one reason why it's always a treat to see you do art for an event (like the togachako corruption one, with the lighting coming in from behind Toga in that way, ace). And I find your writing very grabby. I think for me, it's because you seem to be able to hone in on the emotional content really fast, so it feels meaningful and energetic.

I do remember being surprised that the events were *so* weighted towards shorter works. Going in I think I expected shorter multi-chapters or additions to existing work. There are some, but they're definitely rarer. It's been fun to read a lot of short work, but it does mean that I haven't actually gotten around to reading a multi-chapter in awhile. This is a good problem to have, though, especially when I remember around this time last year having to scrounge through tags.

Anyway, I hope once you get out from under these deadlines you can find the right balance just doing what you enjoy and not getting too stressed or burnt out ^^ Sounds like a good plan to take a break from events. And I hope your wrist is feeling better!

[jajalala]

😭😭😭 That's very kind of you to say and I appreciate your words, but also part of the reason I have doubts is that I did technically apply... but only as an artist. I had enough relevant art already made that fit the artist application so it was easy to apply, and in terms of wrist issues I find that typing (as the main cause) exacerbates it most severely, and drawing (which I do much less often) uses the wrist in a different way that doesn't usually exacerbate my issues too badly. So I applied as an artist just in case, but didn't get in. Which I don't find too surprising; I lean more on the writing than art side I think, and looking at the folks who DID get in I'm like "there is a high standard!" but that's why I'm a little hesitant about assuming.

I'm also missing reading multichapters!!! Right now with everything going on oneshots are a much easier commitment, and so many events are oneshots so when catching up with all the event pickings I end up with a lot of oneshots on my reading list. But I miss having long, episodic multichapters where I get to watch a slow, natural progression of plot/development... And those are one of the things I still have been finding hard to locate in the femslash department. Now after all these events I'm like "There are a million F/F oneshots!" but the femslash multichapters still elude me... (Not entirely, I know there's a couple on my reading list and in my emails I could start reading, but perhaps after September). Awhile ago someone randomly recommended a Star Trek fic to me, and even tho I've never seen Star Trek, I needed something to read on my morning commute so I put it on my phone and read it over the span of a couple of weeks... and it was so nice to sit down and marinate in a story for awhile, even not knowing any of the characters! And the having to take breaks bc of the length was nice too, gave me time to think between chapters.

Thank you for the well wishes, I'm hoping your wrists are also doing alright and you're taking the breaks u need to <3!

[jemeryl]

Ooh, what was the fic? I've watched hell of star trek so I might appreciate it o.o

(Also sorry you didn't get in, but I think it's something you can totally achieve in time if that's your goal! And if you ever want art feedback feel free to hmu. But like, later XD)

[jajalala]

The fic is Madness Underneath My Skin by jadzeanna. I liked it a lot because there's a Vulcan gal called T'pol who's hella repressed, idk how much of the Vulcan culture was extrapolated and how much was canon but I really enjoyed the exploration of it in the fic.

(Also I would love feedback from u at some point if u get time, I'm mostly drawing for funsies but your artstyle with great anatomy, movement, and angles is one I admire so I'd love to get some pointers from you... but also yeah after this September it's time to lie down and not think too hard for awhile XD)

[tropicsbear]

Big mood on wanting to go at your own pace. My current plan is to join 2 events a year at most and they needed to have some down time between them.

Fanfic trends over the years are fascinating. From what I've seen, the average fanfic length today is much shorter than it was when I first got into fandom in 2007. But at the same time, drabbles no longer mean "exactly 100 words" and one-sentence fanfic challenges don't seem to exist anymore.

[jajalala]

2 events a year sounds like a smart limit.

Ooh interesting, the fanfic world in 2007... I only started dipping my toes into fandom and actually reading fanfics around ~2015 or so, and didn't get into writing or interacting much until ~2018, so it's interesting to hear that there's a difference there. One-sentence fanfic challenges is something I've never heard of, seems efficient!!

[tropicsbear]

The one-sentence challenges weren't as big as the 30-[insert theme here; angst, deathfics, etc.] from what I saw, but there were a few of them. Mostly it was a set of prompts and then you needed to write one sentence per prompt. Tricky in its own way.