Dancing Updates
Feb. 8th, 2024 10:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jajalalaLife has been busy, but since my previous journal updates I've had a chance to go to not one, but TWO dances!
A friend of mine bemoaned that no one would ever go contra dancing with her, so I vowed to join her at some point, and I finally did! Compared to swing dancing, I think it's more accessible and easy to learn. There are a some fundamental moves and such to keep track of, but it's pretty quick to learn. And for each dance, they kind of teach a unique dance at the beginning composed of a bunch of moves, and then you do them.
There's a larger super-structure to the dance as well. With swing dancing, for any one song you'll dance with just one partner, and although there are others on the dance floor you are focused on one person. For contra dancing, it's a lot more structured where you often are a pair with another pair, so four people make a little group, and then after one "round" of the dance moves you guys shift and then dance with another pair. It means you end up at least briefly dancing with a bunch of people in any one song, even if you frequently return to your main partner during the dance. However, it also means higher pressure: If you mess up, you're not just messing up to one partner, you're messing up a whole line of dancers! Ack. There was one song I did REALLY badly with... the poor girl I was dancing with suffered so much. The last song though I felt like I really got into the flow, and was able to help some others down the line who were struggling!
And once again I had lead/follow troubles. They used "Lark/Robin" instead of lead/follow, I think to discourage the typical implications (and frankly it really isn't much of a lead/follow in contra, all the moves are prescribed so the lead isn't really making a ton of choices, it's more like do you dance on the left side or right side of your partner), but it is still a two-role system. The friends I went with said I should stick to one role for my first day, and by chance I chose Lark. Which was mostly fine, except there was one guy who asked to dance, and I was like "Are you sure you can do Robin? I'm learning Lark today, I cannot Robin" and he said he could, but as soon as we tried dancing it was SO OBVIOUS he could not do the Robin part at all, it was not in his nature, we kept ending up in awkward positions.... so early in the dance, a very kind gentleman next to us offered to swap so my partner could dance with his Robin as Lark, and then the gentleman would dance Robin with me. And thank goodness!! It was so much easier to do my role with someone who was actually comfortable being Robin.
Later that night as well I asked someone if he could do Robin with me and he assured me he could, and then a bit later when we actually started dancing he was clearly under the impression he was dancing Lark while I was Robin. I explained (again!) that I was learning Lark tonight, it was my first time and I'm focusing on one, and he quickly/easily oriented to being Robin... but at this point I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me?? I feel like this has happened at swing dancing too, where I've said with my words that I am dancing lead, and then the person I'm dancing with nods and agrees, and then they go to dance in the lead position themselves. I don't know if I'm communicating badly or if these men are truly just not listening!!! But it makes me want to grab the next man I dance with and literally quiz him like "Hey. What did I say. What part will you dance? What part will I dance?"
I received some advice in my previous swing dancing post that sometimes people dress the part for certain roles, so maybe it's because I often wear a dress when dancing. For contra, if I knew what Lark/Robin was commonly associated with I would have chosen Robin since I was wearing a dress that day, but I didn't know.
All complaints aside, I had a lot of fun! It was very sociable, and much easier to get familiar with people since you're often briefly dancing with them in the lineup. Still kind of high pressure and stressful when you miss a direction or a certain part confuses you, but ultimately I would definitely go again.
Back to swing dancing! I decided once again to focus on developing my leading skills. As percorvidology's advice on my previous post, I decided to wear pants to more clearly signal the kind of role I was looking to dance tonight. And lo and behold: Normally when I wear my cute spinny dresses I get an old man asking for a dance almost every song. This time with a pants and button down all of a sudden I don't think a single man initiated asking me to dance (I did ask a guy or two at some point, and did follow with them, but wow what a difference in approaches!)
It was easier trying to learn lead the second time. It felt a little more natural and easier to get into the groove. I danced with a couple of lovely gals, one in particular allowed me to lead and was a super responsive and light/airy follow, then afterwards she was like "Hey, would you want to dance again but this time I lead?" and then we switched and WOW she was a great lead!! I absolutely loved it, I love that she could switch positions, I love that I got to switch positions, I think it's super fun and flexible to be able to do both parts. I would like to be able to play any part in any dance and vibe with anybody no matter what part they want to be.
I still suck pretty bad at lead though. For the beginner's lesson, you only learn ~3 basic moves, which is a great start and super accessible! But then as a lead when you go to dance with someone, it kind of feels like "how do I fill this whole song with only three dance moves?" I think even a beginner follow can often learn new moves fluidly with a skilled lead, but I can only carefully step through the basic moves with someone for 3-5 minutes.
I've been to the beginner's lesson as a lead twice now, but I worry even if I continue going I won't make much progress. It truly is JUST the most basic part, and no matter how many times I repeat the basics I won't learn anything new and won't progress.
Apparently there are swing dancing lessons hosted near me. I looked them up, and I missed the window to sign up for the current round of beginner's lessons, but I'm going to keep an eye out. Maybe in another month or two, class registration will open up again, and I can take a proper class on the subject. I feel like I like it enough that I want to get to a more fluent level.
Minor general pet peeve: People who talk to try to teach me something while the teacher is trying to teach me something!!!!! At both, I went to the beginner's lesson, and at both at some point someone I was dancing with started trying to tell/explain extra things to me while the instructor was saying something, and I had to be like "Hey, I'm trying to listen to the lesson." Ugh!!! Like I can't focus on two things at once, please let me listen to the lesson!
Overall I'm happy! My new year's resolution is to go to at least one dance event per month. Life has been getting pleasantly active which complicates things, but between contra dancing and swing dancing, I hopefully should be able to achieve once a month! And overall, I feel more clearly than ever that I want to be fluent in all parts. It's nice to be able to switch, or even to dance with someone one way and then switch and dance again but in a whole new orientation! Go dance.
A friend of mine bemoaned that no one would ever go contra dancing with her, so I vowed to join her at some point, and I finally did! Compared to swing dancing, I think it's more accessible and easy to learn. There are a some fundamental moves and such to keep track of, but it's pretty quick to learn. And for each dance, they kind of teach a unique dance at the beginning composed of a bunch of moves, and then you do them.
There's a larger super-structure to the dance as well. With swing dancing, for any one song you'll dance with just one partner, and although there are others on the dance floor you are focused on one person. For contra dancing, it's a lot more structured where you often are a pair with another pair, so four people make a little group, and then after one "round" of the dance moves you guys shift and then dance with another pair. It means you end up at least briefly dancing with a bunch of people in any one song, even if you frequently return to your main partner during the dance. However, it also means higher pressure: If you mess up, you're not just messing up to one partner, you're messing up a whole line of dancers! Ack. There was one song I did REALLY badly with... the poor girl I was dancing with suffered so much. The last song though I felt like I really got into the flow, and was able to help some others down the line who were struggling!
And once again I had lead/follow troubles. They used "Lark/Robin" instead of lead/follow, I think to discourage the typical implications (and frankly it really isn't much of a lead/follow in contra, all the moves are prescribed so the lead isn't really making a ton of choices, it's more like do you dance on the left side or right side of your partner), but it is still a two-role system. The friends I went with said I should stick to one role for my first day, and by chance I chose Lark. Which was mostly fine, except there was one guy who asked to dance, and I was like "Are you sure you can do Robin? I'm learning Lark today, I cannot Robin" and he said he could, but as soon as we tried dancing it was SO OBVIOUS he could not do the Robin part at all, it was not in his nature, we kept ending up in awkward positions.... so early in the dance, a very kind gentleman next to us offered to swap so my partner could dance with his Robin as Lark, and then the gentleman would dance Robin with me. And thank goodness!! It was so much easier to do my role with someone who was actually comfortable being Robin.
Later that night as well I asked someone if he could do Robin with me and he assured me he could, and then a bit later when we actually started dancing he was clearly under the impression he was dancing Lark while I was Robin. I explained (again!) that I was learning Lark tonight, it was my first time and I'm focusing on one, and he quickly/easily oriented to being Robin... but at this point I'm wondering if there's something wrong with me?? I feel like this has happened at swing dancing too, where I've said with my words that I am dancing lead, and then the person I'm dancing with nods and agrees, and then they go to dance in the lead position themselves. I don't know if I'm communicating badly or if these men are truly just not listening!!! But it makes me want to grab the next man I dance with and literally quiz him like "Hey. What did I say. What part will you dance? What part will I dance?"
I received some advice in my previous swing dancing post that sometimes people dress the part for certain roles, so maybe it's because I often wear a dress when dancing. For contra, if I knew what Lark/Robin was commonly associated with I would have chosen Robin since I was wearing a dress that day, but I didn't know.
All complaints aside, I had a lot of fun! It was very sociable, and much easier to get familiar with people since you're often briefly dancing with them in the lineup. Still kind of high pressure and stressful when you miss a direction or a certain part confuses you, but ultimately I would definitely go again.
Back to swing dancing! I decided once again to focus on developing my leading skills. As per
corvidology's advice on my previous post, I decided to wear pants to more clearly signal the kind of role I was looking to dance tonight. And lo and behold: Normally when I wear my cute spinny dresses I get an old man asking for a dance almost every song. This time with a pants and button down all of a sudden I don't think a single man initiated asking me to dance (I did ask a guy or two at some point, and did follow with them, but wow what a difference in approaches!)It was easier trying to learn lead the second time. It felt a little more natural and easier to get into the groove. I danced with a couple of lovely gals, one in particular allowed me to lead and was a super responsive and light/airy follow, then afterwards she was like "Hey, would you want to dance again but this time I lead?" and then we switched and WOW she was a great lead!! I absolutely loved it, I love that she could switch positions, I love that I got to switch positions, I think it's super fun and flexible to be able to do both parts. I would like to be able to play any part in any dance and vibe with anybody no matter what part they want to be.
I still suck pretty bad at lead though. For the beginner's lesson, you only learn ~3 basic moves, which is a great start and super accessible! But then as a lead when you go to dance with someone, it kind of feels like "how do I fill this whole song with only three dance moves?" I think even a beginner follow can often learn new moves fluidly with a skilled lead, but I can only carefully step through the basic moves with someone for 3-5 minutes.
I've been to the beginner's lesson as a lead twice now, but I worry even if I continue going I won't make much progress. It truly is JUST the most basic part, and no matter how many times I repeat the basics I won't learn anything new and won't progress.
Apparently there are swing dancing lessons hosted near me. I looked them up, and I missed the window to sign up for the current round of beginner's lessons, but I'm going to keep an eye out. Maybe in another month or two, class registration will open up again, and I can take a proper class on the subject. I feel like I like it enough that I want to get to a more fluent level.
Minor general pet peeve: People who talk to try to teach me something while the teacher is trying to teach me something!!!!! At both, I went to the beginner's lesson, and at both at some point someone I was dancing with started trying to tell/explain extra things to me while the instructor was saying something, and I had to be like "Hey, I'm trying to listen to the lesson." Ugh!!! Like I can't focus on two things at once, please let me listen to the lesson!
Overall I'm happy! My new year's resolution is to go to at least one dance event per month. Life has been getting pleasantly active which complicates things, but between contra dancing and swing dancing, I hopefully should be able to achieve once a month! And overall, I feel more clearly than ever that I want to be fluent in all parts. It's nice to be able to switch, or even to dance with someone one way and then switch and dance again but in a whole new orientation! Go dance.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-09 01:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-09 07:41 pm (UTC)Men tend to lead more than women in dance - I say 'tend' because there's no good reason for it but *sings* tradition, Ack! - so I think a bunch of them just fall into it without even processing what they're doing. To try to be a little fair *g* I have medals in ballroom dancing (shush you!) and while I'm an excellent lead it's easy for me to instinctively slip into follow because that's what I primarily did for years.
Dance is so much about reflex rather than consciously thinking about it and becomes even more so once you get more experienced. Contra dancing often doesn't have arm holds that signal clearly who's leading as in other forms of dance which leads to even more potential 'instinctive' reaction. I've found it helps if right before the music begins you clearly state again, remember at this stage you're face to face or close it, 'remember, I'm dancing Lark.'
Many of the big cities have LGBTQIA+ dance groups/lessons which, in my experience, are very welcoming no matter what your orientation is or not, and they tend to be much more flexible in these areas.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-10 04:26 pm (UTC)Glad you're having so much fun with dancing! It was interesting to read that people assume your clothes correspond to your role.
no subject
Date: 2024-02-12 02:20 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2024-02-12 02:29 am (UTC)The dances I've been to have been pretty explicitly LGBTQIA+ inclusive in all their instruction and describing of roles (it's Boston after all) but I guess none of them have necessarily been LGBTQIA+ groups specifically... hmm maybe I'll look around and see if they're a thing here. Certainly in the dances I've been to there is always variety, there are almost always some women leading and some men following, but there is generally a skew as one would expect. And especially during social dancing, I feel like there is a bit of a social expectations at play that just makes it so much easier for a man to ask to lead a woman more than any other iteration.
Thanks for your advice!
no subject
Date: 2024-02-12 02:34 am (UTC)I think it's something I wouldn't have noticed on my own, but so far from my limited data I have noticed people approach based on what I'm wearing, so I guess others are reading the cue. It's definitely not required though, at least in the spaces I'm in so far
no subject
Date: 2024-02-15 02:33 am (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it. I never tried Swing, but I have done a small bit of square dancing and Lindy Hop. Both fun, but Lindy was much harder to get (and I only went once or twice).
no subject
Date: 2024-02-16 03:02 pm (UTC)I think the swing I usually go to is Lindy Hop, or at least they claim the steps we're doing are typical of Lindy Hop. It definitely takes some time to get used to, the first time I went I think I was staring at my feet the whole time trying to keep the footwork right! I'm curious about square dancing now, I've never done it
no subject
Date: 2024-02-17 12:31 am (UTC)The home contra dance I used to frequent would throw square dances in maybe 1-2x/night. And then before and after the mid-evening break, they'd do a waltz. Square dances are very similar to contra, but in a square instead of a line, and with some slightly different moves. Really easy to learn if you've contra'd and liked it. I still think I like contra more, and I've never been to a square-only dance.